Lost?
Lost?
By Ivy Janes
I am trapped, within a maze
I’ve been within these halls for as long as I can remember,
never knowing where I am, nor where I'm going next;
only painfully aware
that there is no turning back—
but I am not lost.
I turn down hallways
with eyes embedded in their walls,
staring at me with intent I can never decipher
Treading through corridors
ringing with echoing laughter, whose source I can never identify—
I am not lost.
I enter a hall of mirrors,
each reflection taunting a new expression
different from the deep fear I know I feel
I find myself in passageways
where questions echo off the stones around me
but I can never seem to find an answer
only freezing up, paralyzed—
I cannot be lost.
I take turns at corners others avoid,
for they know the risks where I never see them
I feel the unknown
prickling and poking
and pinching at my skin
I wade through the dark that haunts each step of my path,
for that is all there is
and I am scared—
but I am not lost.
I encounter few familiar faces along my winding paths,
but each I find,
I attempt cautiously to approach
holding onto the fragile hope that one will light up when I near,
will finally shed some glow on my path
yet those I’ve found remain firmly uncaring narrowing their stony glares until I scamper away
I travel narrow tunnels
that I swear are closing in, and I find dead ends only by rushing into them—
But I cannot be lost.
I am not
I am not
I am not
I am not
I must run fast to show I’m not lost,
move with purpose to prove I know my way
But I don’t, do I?
If I am not lost, why do my halls seem to be
the only ones shrouded in darkness?
Why do I see no one else whose heart
beats as hard as mine,
when they come across
yet another turn into the unknown?—
Maybe I am lost.
I can feel the shame rising
burning my cheeks, and stinging my eyes
Yes, this must be the truth—
I am lost.
I am lost
I am lost
I am lost
I am lost
but why?
Why can’t I find my way?
I am smart, they all say so
everyone else
seems to know where they’re going
when I am left wandering
left wondering where I went wrong
Did they receive a map
of all this maze’s twists and turns?
Did I miss some helpful tour
some grand detailed guide?
I am lost
and it seems I am the only one
I am lost
and there is no way around it,
no way out.
A tear slips down my cheek
falling into the darkness
where I will never see it land
My feet meet the cold barren ground
again and again, one after the other
as step by step I move forward
I clench my fists tight and hold my breath
bracing myself for whatever pain
lies around the next bend
Because I am lost
and that is the best I can do
