That Which Was Unspoken

That Which Was Unspoken

By Shel Zhou

my voice catches in my throat 

i fail to say those three words 

that i intended to when i stepped foot 

in that dreaded place

i intended to say those three words while

we waited for them to wheel you in 

my friend's anxious breath on my neck

while i adjusted the pale pink carnations

on your bedside 

because you said they were your favorite

instead, i utter a strangled croak 

it reminds us both of your frog, Clarence

you laugh and touch my hand 

we read in your room, my feet kicking in the air

we're nothing but children 

we're nothing but happy 

then i am shaken to reality with a cold gasp

we are standing over you and 

tears fall thick from your sister's eyes

dirtying your stiff white sheets 

you try to laugh but cough instead 

i squeeze your hand tighter and 

your mother frowns 

before i am ushered away so old 

men and women in black robes 

can crowd your bed 

i try to say those three words, but 

but 

fail

again. 

only managing a shaky 

"goodbye"